About me

 

I have always been fascinated about human interaction and in particular - close & intimate relationships people have. I worked in high end matchmaking in London for over 12 years, during which I learned a lot about how majority of us are conditioned to relate to dating, relationships and love. As a result of the realisation I had about how that old fashioned and restrictive approach to love doesn´t often lead to positive relationships, in 2018 I set up my own Coaching business helping people find better, healthier, more positive and true to themselves relationship results. I am absolutely dedicated to this cause.

I am particularly interested in opening up conversations about how we can relate to dating, relationships and sex in a new, more open and equal manner, so that we can realise our individual potential in relationships, instead of trying to fit under the same label as everyone else, often losing our identity in the process.

I thrive on having an ongoing dialogue about topics related to dating, intimacy, sex, self-love and relationships. I work with my clients on one to one coaching capacity and I also run regular Brunch Date Workshops for curiously-minded people who want to develop their understanding about themselves, relationships and sex.


** I am in the process of developing new Workshops so watch this space! **

​Here's my personal story:

 

When I was growing up my only real role models for relationships were my parents. Whilst my parents tried their best, no doubt, they were certainly not equipped with the most essential tools to make a healthy, happy and stable relationship. They worked with what they had, following their parents’ example and learning about emotional intelligence wasn’t really an option back then.

 

 I learned from quite a young age that a ‘marriage’ meant that two people decided to live together, to have have children and gender roles were divided very traditionally. The relationship formula I learned was very much based on ‘I give, so I can get’ and ‘I’ll tell you what you need do to make me happy’. There was no real affection or love being expressed. 

 

So I spent my youth replicating that type of pattern in my early relationships - very needy, attached, clingy and very much in the style of ‘I own you, you own me’.

 

Deep inside, it didn’t feel right. When I was older, having seen different kind of relationships, I started wondering if what I had learned was actually that helpful. 

In my 20´s I also started becoming aware of my internal conflict between being free and open with my sexuality vs restricted by societal expectations of what a woman should behave like. This, combined with my conditioned ideas of what relationship should look like, caused me anxiety and some unwanted situations.

 

It’s very difficult to change learned conditioning and patterns unless you a) become aware of it and b) decide to do something about it. For many years, I chose to ignore the pattern that seemed to repeat my own relationships – until 2014 when something changed.

I had been invited to my best friend´s wedding in Barcelona and as the wedding got closer my then relationship started crumbling and few weeks before the actual wedding me and my boyfriend separated. I was devastated, mostly because this meant that I would need to go to this wedding as a single woman. Back then, this to me was a distaster that I wasnt willing to face. So I decided to get back together, just so I didn´t need to go to this wedding alone.

Needless to say the relationship soon came to an end after the trip to Barcelona.

It was very painful and challenging time for me, trying to accept the fact that yet again, I hadn't achieved the “happy ever after” relationship I thought I should want (I was also working in very traditional matchmaking field which didn't help!). 

 

What that pain and challenge brought about instead, was change - it was the starting point towards better, healthier and more truthful relationships for me. It wasn't an immediate shift however and a lot of challenging situations arose during the few years following that.

Fastforward to now, things are very different, I feel more free, confident, happy and content with my life. I also have much more love in my life than I did back then.

 

 

This is exactly what I want convey with my coaching; learning to connect with your own unique desires, learning to enjoy being by yourself, lerning what kind of relationships are right for you and learning about what love, actually, means to you. Most of all, it is about learning to let go of those unhelpful and unhealthy expectations of what your life, love and relationships should look like.

Once you have mastered this it will be easier to attract the right kind of people, love and relationships in your life.

Namaste

​© 2020 Miia Koponen