• Miia

How to find love by next Valentine's Day?

In celebration of #ValentinesDay I feel it's important to get to the root of what makes best strategy in finding love. It's not what you think... please read on.

Everyone talks about the importance of ‘loving yourself’ but how do you actually do it? Especially when most of our lives we’ve been told that we need to find someone else to love us instead.

Let’s start with defining #selflove, what is it exactly? I mean, if you want to learn how to love yourself, you need to know what the end-result might look like, right?

For me #selflove means, above anything else, #acceptance. Acceptance of yourself as you are right now, acceptance of where you are right now in your life, acceptance of the choices you’ve made - good or bad, acceptance of where you want to get to - even if this means it’s not what others want for you. The opposite of acceptance would be a constant unhappiness about where, who and what you are right now, a desire to constantly change yourself, your life and how you see yourself. Positive change starts from genuine acceptance of how things are first.

Another way of defining self-love is how you look after yourself - mentally, physically and emotionally. If you feel healthy inside and out it’s a very good indicator that you have love for yourself.

Ability to spend time in silence and on your own - super important and equally as challenging especially as we’ve learned to always keep our minds busy. And why is this important? Because if you’re not comfortable by yourself and doing nothing, you are more likely to get frustrated, bored and unsatisfied with another person.

So I thought it might be helpful to use a step-by-step process on how to find love within you as you would go about finding love from another person:

  • Take some time out and figure out what it means to love and what qualities are you looking for - do you have these qualities in you? For example if you’re looking for someone to make you feel secure and offer stability - can you offer those things for yourself?

  • Write down a list of qualities you think you own and find that person inside you with all those qualities and explore them, explore that person!

  • Get to know to that person by spending time with him/her, listen and learn from them, go for walks, enjoy good food, cook for yourself, be kind, compliment yourself, smile and enjoy your own company - one of my clients took this really quite seriously and took a week off and went off to a meditation retreat, this is quite an extreme example, but it can be hugely effective

  • Hire someone to talk about your self worth, confidence and life in general - if you’d hire a personal trainer to make you look good, why not hire a coach, therapist or counsellor to help you feel good

  • Now, after all the above steps, have you started feeling acceptance and love for yourself? i.e. you feel content and at peace with yourself and your life, you’re not grasping on to constantly chat to people, or be out doing something every evening or work extra hours just so that you don’t have to be by yourself - Hurraah, It's time to celebrate it , you've found #theOne - it's you!

  • Well done - now you are ready to attract a healthy relationship with another human being in your life.

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