Updated: May 4
Recently I spoke to a new client, a 20 something man who wanted to learn how to approach girls and get some dates online and to find a relationship. I asked him what was important, for him, about finding a relationship. He said “I hate being alone”. Now, I understand this is probably the one reason we have been told we should want a partner, not to have to be alone.
I however think the contrary, that it is the one reason not to seek for a relationship.
You see, when we enter a relationship with another person, from the point of “I hate being alone” we set huge amounts of expectations for the other person to fulfill all our needs and wants that we haven't yet learned to fulfill for ourselves. This more than often leads to unbalanced, unhealthy and toxic situations in that relationship and eventually leads it to end, and not necessarily in a pretty way. I have been there and I have seen many others do the same; friends, clients, family members.
Don't get me wrong, relationships with an evolved and emotionally available individual can absolutely help us grow and develop our inner strength, often though, when we are feeling alone, insecure and desperate for someone to fulfill our needs, we end up choosing unwisely.
So, if we feel “alone” and if a relationship with another isn't a solution, then, what is?
My solution: Building a better relationship with yourself to a point where being alone feels comfortable. When you are able to fulfill your own emotional needs and wants and feel secure enough in yourself. When you don't need to prove anything to anyone by being in a relationship. That's when you are able to choose partners who are emotionally available and secure enough in themselves so the relationship will have more of a chance to succeed.
What better time than now, to begin that journey!
If the above resonates with you and you would like to have a chat about your unique situation, I am here to help you.